10 years ago

today I married my best friend. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long, I don’t think either of us ever thought we would get married to begin with, yet here we are. We have been through every possible relationship stress and we’ve stuck it out. Deaths, infidelity, unemployment, lies, moving, it’s all tried to destroy us and we’ve become stronger for each challenge. We’ve become very different people than when we first met, and thankfully during this we’ve grown together rather than apart.

We aren’t like most couples, and I think is what has helped us last. We don’t need time apart, we go to ‘extreme’ to accommodate each other, and frequently refer to each other as the same person with different genitals. We are truly happiest when we’re together, whatever we’re doing. When apart there are frequent calls, just to hear each others voice and say, “I love you.”.

I get the credit for the positive changes in the Mr. and I used to see it as a compliment. As time went on I began to realize I didn’t make him change, I didn’t DO anything to change him except…love him AS HE WAS. That was the biggest factor, he was much like me in that he was going to live his life the way he wanted and that is off putting for most people. They want to change you, for their benefit or because they care.

Just saying, ‘ten years’ sounds like a long time. It doesn’t feel like its been that long, and yet it feels like we’ve always been together. I cannot remember feelings toward anyone else, I feel as if past relationships or any crushes I may have had were another person entirely. I can’t imagine or remember not loving him, we’re such a part of the other that there is little we don’t share. Our moods shift based on the others feelings, if he’s upset I get upset even when he doesn’t behave as if he’s bothered.

I am so glad I found him, I don’t think I would be who I am today if not. I would not have my daughters, and would constantly be hunting for that missing piece. The part of me that was missing, one I had given up hope of finding. Yes I had already given up on love before I turned 18.

When we met, we were apart for less than 24 hours from the first day and to this day we haven’t been apart for more than 24 hours (overtime being the only LONG time apart). I would go home to shower, sleep, go to work and back to him. He had no car at the time, but being already used to hauling friends around this was no concern, I was just so happy to be spending time with someone that was more of a friend and validated everything I was feeling. He encouraged me to be who I wanted to be, he immediately got along with my mom-even convincing her to let ‘us’ bring home a lizard that I had previously been forbidden to have.

 

Are we over the Miley Cyrus twerking yet?

Are you furious about the disgusting performance by Miley Cyrus? How dare this role model for young girls act like this, on public television. What will you tell your daughters, will them emulate her behavior?

I’m going to keep this short…

Why is this girl your daughter’s role model? Because she WAS Hannah Montana? H.M. was a fictional character, with a secret life, a performer…I can’t help but wonder WHY this was an acceptable role model to begin with. Was that young character a person you wanted your daughter to aspire to be? There are plenty of people going into rants on the psychology of this, the sexualization of children, promotion of rape culture, etc. I’m going to stick with a more basic question…

Why aren’t YOU, your daughters role model? Why not a better character…Temperance Brennan, Hermione Granger, if it must be a television character…you could always encourage historical figures. Encourage them to aspire to be intelligent, to be more than ‘famous’. While you’re at that maybe throw in a talk about the difference between the actress and the character they play.

The 20 year old woman, Miley Cyrus, is NOT Hannah Montana. She is a person, she has made a very unwise choice but she does not owe you anything. If you have permitted your daughters to idolize her then you have yourself to blame-not her. I do not condone that performance, but then I don’t need too, she’s an adult, and I am ultimately responsible for what my children are exposed too and who they view as role models.

Can we stop expecting media to parent our children? There is ALWAYS some sort of scandal where parents are screaming to ‘think of the children’…but they are unwilling to do it themselves. This same nonsense occurred with Britney Spears years back, if you follow these people you can always see it coming and yet act surprised.

Also..twerking? Does anyone else HATE that word as much as I do?

I’m not going to address the male aspect of this mess, I don’t have sons.

Not a great visit to the library…

Last trip the library we took home a monster drawing book but declined the disc that is normally included. We had no use for it and didn’t want to chance it getting lost/damaged/etc. Apparently this was a mistake as an older woman came stomping upstairs to the kids area to ask where the disc was, which I told her it wasn’t given to us last time, and she was very unpleasant in her response that she would make a note of that. I really should have asked if she bothered to check the drawer where the dvds and such are kept.

When we were ready to check out she walks off to let the older man we always deal w/ scan our books. At this point it’s obvious she just doesn’t like us, you know the term ‘bitch face’? She had it. When it came to checking out Bug Hunters books he told us she was missing one in the last set we returned, and Lily spoke up saying she DID put that in the basket when we walked in. Ms. bitch face spoke up, on her trip to grab a set of books to shelve, and said we’ll it’s not here. The older man opened the cabinet of JUST CHECKED IN and what do you know…there is the book.

This really isn’t a big deal I guess, they didn’t OUTRIGHT accuse me of anything but it was implied. That makes me very angry…and yes I need to let it go since there is no real impact on my life. We skipped the park today, I’m in a bad mood and the girls have a volcano project to do as well as other fun lessons. I borrowed Black Beauty for them to watch.

Ms. Jack-o-lantern

This is the torture I get to endure…LOOK at that front tooth hanging on! We got the other one out yesterday-I pulled it, but this one is still locked in there. It’s so loose it’s crooked, LOL. She spent the hour after I pulled the right too calling herself Ms. Jack-o-lantern and referring to herself in third person. “Ms. Jack-o-lantern wants a hug!” It got old real fast.

It’s so frustrating to be unable to leave the room for more than a few minutes during the girls lessons. If I leave they will stop doing any ‘boring’ work. Time4Learning will continue, art will continue, videos and so on. If it’s textbook or writing it’s all over. The worst experience was yesterday, I was in my room folding laundry and during that time the girls completed very, VERY little work. I realize this and I accommodate it but sometimes it’s so frustrating trying to get things done that I let it pile up.

In the past (almost) two weeks I’ve been changing things about the curriculum to make a better fit. I’ve changed days for which activity we will focus on and added in more documentaries. Cut back on some of the required writing as the girls really were writing the equivalent of an upper middle school days work. I expect so much, which I do GE,T but we all become frustrated at my expectations that it be done faster.

Tomorrow is our fun day, and both girls are extremely excited. Library, park, music, art, and so on. With the change from Wednesday to Friday I have to hang on to some of the books I chose. I think our project for the day will be a volcano kit I found on clearance.

Since the girls have been keeping their room clean they’re getting their TV and video game system back in their room. I’ve made a very colorful list of rules as a reminder of my expectations and to put their movies back into the book, NOT lay them on a table. I’ve been told they’re too young to have that stuff in their room, obviously I disagree or it wouldn’t be going in there.

So now I’m an anti feminist?

‘I’m too pretty to do homework.’

‘My best subjects, shopping (check), music (check), dance (check), math (unchecked)’

‘Born to wear diamonds’

Those quotes are from t-shirts, marketed to young girls, and have caused quite a stir. Mothers are angry, they’ve lit their pitch forks, pledged to boycott, and thrown an all around hissy fit. Over a t-shirt. It seems the terrible combination of words will lead to the degradation, the devaluation, objectification of young girls everywhere. Possibly if they don’t even wear the shirt, so for YOUR protection they’re throwing a fit making sure it’s removed from sale.

I’m baffled honestly, at the anger over a shirt. I wouldn’t buy the shirts, I think they’re ignorant and do portray a negative stereotype which I wouldn’t give my money to promote. BINGO! I wouldn’t give them money so that’s the end of it for me and it should be the end of it for everyone else as nobody is requiring the shirt be bought or worn. It’s a non issue, there are PLENTY of REAL issues to focus on. While I imagine many of these mothers (and fathers) are concerned about other problems I can’t help but think this temper tantrum makes those who would objectify, and agree with such stereotypes, laugh. Bickering amongst each other over a shirt? Dividing women more rather than respecting each others vastly different views on…again, A SHIRT?!

So I’ve gotten the idea that I’m not considered a true feminist because I think a shirt would have no impact on a kid, or worse that self esteem, and academics are impacted more by the parents. If you’ve read my posts long you know when there is an issue which could actually impact the lives of women; proposed laws, abortion, female genital mutilation, sex trafficking, and so on I’m gung ho but…a shirt, aimed at young girls. Find information that this company is using child labor, slaves, etc (as sadly most companies are at this point) and I’d join in a boycott….for that issue.

I think we’re a bit better than that, and if we could focus THAT much outrage at some of the atrocities women of the world are subjected to, imagine what we could change!

Ode to the fat

Yesterday morning we came upstairs to the school room and I looked in the girls room to see Emmy (Emerald) our elderly cat was asleep in a dresser drawer so I moved him to a little cat bed that usually he hates. He didn’t try to move or react at all. That was when I knew it would be his last day with us. Throughout the day we would go in and sit with him, talking, and petting him. Trying to keep quiet.

It was after Mr. got home and talked to him, let him sniff his hand that we left for about an hour, less than two. I had a feeling Emmy was waiting for us to be gone. When we got home I went in first to check on him and found he had died. The usual sobbing began and Mr. headed outside to dig a hole in the front flower bed for him. We have a large rock that came from the hole that the girls will be painting with his name to place as a marker.

The most painful thing was the littlest crying and asking who she was going to cuddle with. Emmy was with her every night, next to her, never leaving until morning. Sometimes sleeping ON her head-I couldn’t find those pictures but I have them somewhere. My cat that I brought home from the SPCA 12 years ago adopted my youngest as HIS person.

He lived a full, well loved life.

RANTS FROM MOMMYLAND: The Mommy Will Lose it Advisory System

RANTS FROM MOMMYLAND: The Mommy Will Lose it Advisory System.

 

Midnight Madelines

This weekend I was able to try a bottle of Mad Housewife wine, and I was not disappointed. As typical I visited the website and it’s facebook page to have a look around and discovered there is a running giveaway until December 31 of this year. I think this may be ‘MY’ new wine, and I’m very excited to collect the requisite number of corks for the freebies I’d like.

As you can also see in the photo there is a bit of technical difficulty happening on the kitchenaid front. I attempted to mix up a batch of pancake batter to find it would not turn on. I tried different plugs and still nothing. Eventually it was taken apart and the Mr. used his tester to check for electrical issues after finding no visible wear on the gears. He made an educated guess and took it in to work for second opinions and all agree it is the circuit board so with any luck and an extra $40 I can have it taken care of in the near future.

Sunday was an early day in the park, meeting a co-worker for a game of disc golf. He brought his boys, the girls newest friends, and they were able to play a full 18 rounds. The kids ran ahead and tossed their Frisbee into the baskets, or stopped to draw pictures.

I say ‘they’ were able to play because I don’t, I’m not good at it and have no interest at all in the game. I go along simply because I have no reason not too, I enjoy the walking around poking at plants and spending the time with my family. We do everything together, even if the others aren’t excited to participate we put aside an hour or two of and enjoy the time together. We’re just odd like that

With the girls amazing change in behavior they earned back one of their favorite, and at this point one of their last, toys. Mega Bloks Dragons ! They pulled the entire bin down the stairs to play this weekend and back up to their room where they are staying as long as the room stays clean. 

What is a Sunday afternoon without a nap? During our weekend shoping we picked up each girl their own little ‘art box’ and sketchbook as part of their back to school supplies. I’m going to try and incorporate more hands art lessons, practice, history and so on this year.

Tonight ended in baking, and wine. I usually have a bottle or two on the bar, nice and dusty, that just sit. We received a call earlier, a close family member was in the hospital in serious condition so in comes the stress. Being half way across the country, there isn’t much to do but wait and none of us are particularly good at waiting. We’re also not good at keeping our emotions to ourselves, when one is upset the others soon enough pick up the emotion no matter how well it’s hidden.

My stress is your gain I suppose, here is the recipe I used and the delicious results.

Ingredients

• 2 large eggs
• 2/3 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon maple flavoring
• 1 pinch salt
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 10 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted, cooled slightly
• powdered sugar

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375°F Generously butter and flour pan for large madeleines (about 3×1 1/4 inches).
2. Using electric mixer, beat eggs and 2/3 cup sugar in large bowl just to blend. Beat in vanilla, lemon peel and salt. Add flour; beat just until blended. Gradually add cooled melted butter in steady stream, beating just until blended.
3. Spoon 1 tablespoon batter into each indentation in pan. Bake until puffed and brown, about 10-16 minutes. Cool 5 minutes. Gently remove from pan. Repeat process, buttering and flouring pan before each batch. (Can be made 1 day ahead.).

Educational plan *SO FAR*

Educational plan for August 2013-August 2014 *Not listing documentaries, T4L lessons, or literature to be read (that would take quite awhile is and always changing)
Proposed curriculum for Spider Monkey

Math: Combination of Workbook and online

Geography: Continuing review of countries, states, capitals, etc
The Young People’s Atlas of the United States
Clearly Social Studies, Gr. 5

Science:
Bite-Size Science: Everything You Need to Know About Science in Small, Easily-Digestible Portions
Earth Matters
Science Essentials, Grades 5 – 6

History:
WORLD HISTORY CONNECTIONS TO TODAY REVISED SURVEY STUDENT EDITION 2005C

Art:  Use of Wii’s uDraw system, and hands on projects
Classic Composers
Masterpiece, the World’s Greatest Paintings

P.E. & Health: Along with in home workouts, hiking, skating, bowling
Your Health, Grade 4

Language Arts:
Elements of Literature: Student Edition Grade 6
Teach Terrific Grammar, Grades 4-5
Reading, Grade 3 (Spectrum)

Proposed curriculum for Little Sizzling Hiney

Math:
Word Problems Grade 2
Learning Library Math Grade 2

Geography:
Don’t Know Much About the 50 States
Macmillan First Atlas

Science:
The Usborne Book of Dinosaurs
Natural Science Vol.2 (Golden Book encyclopedia)
Childcraft Vol 4 World And Space

History: Same as Lily (following along)

Art: Same as Lily

P.E. & Health: Same as Lily

Language Arts:
Treasury of Literature: Out of This World

Extra curricular

1. Foreign Language: Spanish & Sign Language (English)
2. Penmanship-copy work in cursive and standard
3. Typing lessons
4. Memorizations-multiplication facts, state/capitals, etc
5. Required reading as determined by me, classics and assorted Pagan texts
6. Animal ‘reports’ using our Wildlife Explorer collection
7. Work through the entire set of (Enchanted World Series)
8. Filling our vocabulary box

I think I finally figured it out!

This past Friday, on the verge of ripping out either my hair or my kids hair (put down the phone, no need to call CPS it’s a joke to express my level of frustration) I tried a different approach to getting their room clean. This has been the biggest issue with our family, and while it’s small potatoes compared to some it is no less just as frustrating. I’ve tried threats, promises, bribes, throwing away things, etc.

I listened to them, while they cleaned. I heard the oldest say she’s giving up because it’s going to take forever and it’ll never get done. Quite the defeatist attitude but then she’s 8, as an adult I know better. I know it would get done VERY quickly if they’d just stop playing with things and move. We all know this, we parents can’t seem to get past what we know and think like a child. We expect so much from them because we know how much they’re capable of but how often do we forget that emotionally they’re still very young. I think its more common with homeschoolers but that’s just my experience.

You want me to get to the point right? Ok here it is;

Post-its. Go grab some and a pen; now head to the kids room. Start labeling by numbers, #1 could be the entrance to the room. Behind the door and any hanging things around the door. This area is to be completed before moving on to #2 which would be, in my girls room, the bookcase and onto #3, their bunk beds. 

Now each station also has a master list, a how to clean it. Remove all trash, remove all items (books from the bookcase, sheets and animals from the bed, so on) and wipe down or vacuum/sweep, maybe take a rag to the baseboard whatever you like. The point is to make it a step by step method that they can ‘check off’ what is getting accomplished. It needs to be as basic as possible. This helped by having them look back at what they’ve accomplished when the urge to quit comes on. “Look how much you’ve cleaned, you’re almost done!” Sweep those post-its up as you go along and soon each little section will be cleaned!

Also, if you say something…mean it! We had a habit of threatening to not go somewhere (that mommy and daddy wanted to go) if the room wasn’t clean and we’d end up going anyway-because why should our fun be ruined, right? That stopped, we don’t go period. I had Mr. start checking their room so he could see more of the problem and become more involved in the solution. He usually came home to me frazzled and enforced what I said but didn’t really participate in making it get done, seeing what was really happening and so on.

Along with this make a weekly plan, a reward system. Each day we’ve incorporated some sort of reward, an activity they look forward too as a motivation to keep on the right track. Monday is library and possibly bowling, Tuesday is park (weather permitting) and project as well as roller skating. Wednesday movie night, Thursday will be board game night, Friday is for video games. We’re still working out the kinks on which days are for what rewards and the weekends are more open to variation; camping, hiking, and the like. 

I don’t think it’s too much to reward them every day, and really the rewards we have agreed on are things most people take for granted. In an older post I stated we want to do more activities, in comes the bowling, skating, and hiking. The rest are just things around the house that we can do as family time. Dedicated family time, which may be exactly what their problem has been.

It’s too easy for parents to think they’re ‘spending time’ with their kids by watching tv in the same room. Yes here I go getting my know it all hat on. We’re guilty of this as well, thinking we’re doing good on the quality time front when we’re failing miserably. When is the last time you colored with your kid, played on the floor with them. How often do you tell them positive things, versus how often you’re correcting them? Before you say all the time, really think about it. I know I’m not the only one who’s slacking but there are a lot who will not admit it, to themselves or otherwise.